The New Dictionary

Received one of those 'forwarded' emails from a friend today. I am quite sure this has been circulating over the web for quite a while, but just for the sake of my sanity and the fact I am in great need of some 'cheering' up, I shall post the contents of the email here :

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish................................49
Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic.............................No boobs
Average looking................Ugly
Beautiful............................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure..............On medication
Feminist............................Fat
Free spirit..........................Junkie
Friendship first...................Former slut
Fun..................................Annoying
Gentle..............................Dull
New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Poet.................................Depressive
Professional.......................Bitch
Romantic...........................Frigid
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker
Widow..............................Murderer

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

*LOL* Absolutely love the last bit. Somehow (not surprisingly), I can actually relate to that very much - including all the 'gory' details.

Hmmmm, does that mean 'Aunt Flo' is coming to pay me a visit soon??

Ramblings of A Confused Woman

It is exactly 12:27, on a Friday morning, the 18th day of the first month for the year 2008.

I have just realised that I actually have a follow-up checkup with the good doctor today concerning my previous 'over-acting' visits to Mr Potty. Truth be told, my tummy is all upset again and now since I have very well forgotten to apply for leave, and it's a bit too late to reschedule for a new appointment, therefore I wouldn't be able to see the doctor and do anything concerning this problem of mine now.

Oh, bugger it.

I. Am. Legend? No. Depressed is more like it.

Have you ever hoped and prayed for something so hard, and you wanted something so bad, that sometimes you feel that your whole life depended on this one miracle and that you have done everything within your means to ensure that all your harwork and efforts will at least make an impact and that most of all, it was not for a worthless cause? And then, just when you think that all that was wrong before, is now just starting to get better, only to find yourself in the same gutter all over again, just like the one before and to finally realise that perhaps, despite all the hopes and dreams that you desperately want to believe and hold on to, that it is time for you to let go and just perhaps, it is time for you to just....

Stop.

Hoping.


Do you get my drift here? No? *Sigh*

It's ok, the title of the post says it all.

I am afterall, but a confused woman.